“It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”
– Frederick Douglas
Sssshhhh!! We don’t mention that.
Nobody really wants to talk about this kind of burnout – parent burnout.
The burnout parents experience from being everything and doing everything for the kids.
The kind that happens when we hold the entire weight of maturity and self-control – compared to these less evolved humans taking over the house.
You do all you can to be a good parent, and you love your kids. Admitting you’ve reached a breaking point seems like a failure – like incompetence, misplaced priorities, or lack of care.
Pssst! I’m here to let you in on a little secret.
You can stop beating yourself up now. It’s normal to feel burnt out by the day-in/day-out physical, mental, and emotional load of parenting in the 21st century. Seriously, cut yourself some slack.
You’re facing a different world from the one in which your parents raised you. Kids don’t just naturally gather at the sandlot anymore, so parents bear the brunt of planning and executing their social lives.
Plus, we’ve started to cultivate this extraordinary modern relationship with our children, so the adult and kid worlds have blended in both beautiful and challenging ways.
No doubt – it’s a thrilling ride.
At the end of the day, it takes incredible focus, intention, and energy to regulate yourself.
Some days, I’m sure you kill it! You have all the answers, you remembered everything, you’re ahead of schedule, and you feel like Parent of the Year.
But other days, you collapse onto the bed, rocking in a fetal position, devouring your chocolate stash, getting lost in your noise-canceling air pods, wondering whoever thought you could handle child-rearing.
I get it. I’ve experienced all these thoughts and feelings, separately and all at once.
You want to be a champion for your child. I know it. You watch them struggle with the same internal battles you had and maybe still have. You watch them repeat mistakes over and over. You’ve probably Googled or bought or browsed numerous parenting resources – all in the spirit of wanting to help your child.
I know because I’ve seen it, I’ve done it, I’ve read it.
But the flight attendants are right.
There’s a reason they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first.
In tandem with helping children learn and understand their feelings, one of the biggest game-changers in helping families is helping their parents.
You’re on the front lines – right there in the trenches. Even if your kids hold it together all day, they know they can unravel with you because you are their safe person.
You don’t have to be perfect to be that person, but I know you want to know more.
That’s where I come in.
I help you understand how to help them. One thing to remember is that kids are present-focused. It’s a kid superpower – one we should all spend a little more time cultivating.
They get lost in their imagination and come up with some really amazing ideas. But they also can’t remember the last place they took off their shoes. Just this morning, I bet your kiddo was looking for his shoe when he found the Lego set he started months ago and proceeded to resume his project as you were trying to leave the house.
It’s enough to drive any parent bonkers!
It also makes 1:1 therapy with children difficult. Just like adults, they definitely need a safe space to tell their stories without judgment. But when it comes to making changes in behavior and learning skills, they need a coach, someone to guide them through difficult moments.
Grab your headset and game board. It’s game on.
Once you learn how to observe and understand what’s happening for your kids, you can help train them, in real-time, to do the same. You become their real-time emotion coach.
Kids live in the moment, and they need someone to be with them through the thick of that —and believe me, there is no one better for that job than YOU!
Positive parenting strategies can help you feel good about how you engage with your children. And it starts with you controlling yourself. Being the calm, confident, and gentle presence, they need when they’re losing their emotional shit.
So you can get to the good stuff.
Once you’ve helped them find their equilibrium – you can answer another of the parent’s callings: discipline. The Latin root of discipline is NOT punishment. It’s actually “to teach.”
But you CANNOT move to that level until everyone is calm. Kids can’t learn anything when they’re in what I call the “ocean of emotion.”
It’s not going to be easy, but there’s a way to make it easier.
I’ve soaked in experts – Dan Siegel, Amy McCready, Adele Faber, and others. I’ve gotten in the dirt with my own kids using these strategies.
I can attest to the importance of accountability and encouragement when it comes to implementation because, in all honesty, some days it works great – other days, it’s a flop. Some days you’re 100%, and other times, you just don’t have it.
By engaging in your own therapy for parenting, you’ll learn skills to regulate yourself, which you can then pass on to your child.
You’ll get the accountability and encouragement it takes to enter into the trenches day after day. And you’ll have the assurance knowing you are teaching your child skills that will guide them their entire lives.
And in the long run, that’s more valuable than the quadratic equation. (Most of us know we should remember that, but let’s face it – we don’t!)
Take the journey with them.
There’s nothing you wouldn’t do to help your child. That’s why you’re here.
But one of the best things you can do to help them is to help yourself first. Learn – so you can teach.
Reach out today by calling (715) 725-0820. Let me help you become your best – so you can help them become their best.